Gratitude, With Attitude.

We all have heaps to worry about this week, I know. But in times of crisis and frustration, choosing gratitude can be an act of rebellion in and of itself. So I’ve kept a gratitude journal.

It’s helped to refocus my mind on the positive and relax at the end of each day. And I’ve found that naming the good things (with a healthy dose of sass) can help a dame through anything. 

Here’s a few things I’m thankful for.

1. I’m grateful the cat chose to drool on me during my morning meditation. It snapped me back to the present in a very tangible way. Spending the next ten minutes fending off her hellish fluff was an exercise of using love in confrontation.

I love her stupid face. I say that knowing she’s smarter than me.

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2. I’m grateful that our latest political disasters have mobilized millions of people who might otherwise never have become activists. No matter what our government says or does, there are many good people working to make things better. I’m thankful for the right to join them.

And even if the world is ending…clever signs have improved my life so much.

3. I’m grateful for the old lady who screamed “USELESS C*NT” in my face at my day job, triggering a massive week-long CPTSD meltdown. This incident brought to mind a certain quote from Tim Ferris: “In all cases where doubt crops up, ask yourself, ‘If I had a gun to my head and had to do it, how would I do it?’ It’s not as hard as you think.” 

I think that old lady was the human equivalent of a gun to my head. As agonizing as it was, her actions (and their aftermath) forced me to admit what I truly need in life. I’d been struggling with uncertainty for quite some time when it came to my daily work, but guilt kept me from acknowledging what needed to change.

Sometimes, breakdowns lead to breakthroughs: I had to face the music and put my health first. I’ve since put in my two week’s notice, with heaps of thanks to the wonderful people I’ve worked with. I’m grateful for their encouragement and support during this transition. They’ve been incredibly understanding, and I’m lucky to call them friends. The lessons I’ve learned at this job will  only help me grow as I move forward to new things.

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Inspirational platitudes aside…leaving this job with no Plan B in place is terrifying.

I’m Type A. I like the plans. I’d like to see those plans, now. But finding my next step is not nearly as nerve-wracking as singing Happy Birthday off-key in front of Elton John (aaah!), or delivering bad news to Miles Teller (AAH!), or bringing champagne to Jerry Seinfeld (with no warning whatsoever…AAAAAAH!!!).

I’m sweating just thinking about these wonderful, terrifying memories. But I’m so glad they happened. I love you, P. Always will.

4. I’m grateful that my husband sleeps in until 2 pm each day, leaving me alone to face the Existential Dread.

lBy sleeping our lives away, Mitch gives me plenty of time to write, do schoolwork, and panic about my life before harassing him awake. His impenetrable sense of inner peace and calm about the world with no rush or hurry whatsoever makes me go batshit crazy, but I’m grateful for his example.

I could be more chill. I could. But he’s so good at it, I won’t.

Yin and yang. I’m glad he’s cute.

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5. I’m grateful that I grew up in Sarah Palin’s hometown, among some very Trumpy people. Having an extremely conservative and sheltered background only fueled my desire to question everything. So now I’d like to save the planet, protect women/LGBT/POC/Immigrant rights and make great art in the process.

And its true, the goal of becoming more famous than Sarah Palin keeps me working through the night. Someday, I hope that when Sarah says she’s from Alaska, people ask her if she can see Rachel from her house.

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…Also grateful for Tina Fey. That won’t change.

6. I’m grateful for Eddie the Eagle. If you haven’t seen this adorable, heartwarming and life-affirming flick, you should watch it right f*cking now. 

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7. I’m grateful that you’re reading this blog. I’ve got nothing deep to say today, so I’d love to hear your sass! What are you thankful for, in spite of everything else?

xo 

 

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